$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
