Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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