First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
