I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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