now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
