i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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