I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
