I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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