she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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