If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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