I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
