Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
