hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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