my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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