I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
