Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
PANTIES FOUND
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