Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
