Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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