My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
