I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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