I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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