You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
