Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
