I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
