i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
