Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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