i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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