What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
