So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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