Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
