walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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