Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
