I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
