Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
