Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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