you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
