Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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