Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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