It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
