What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
