Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
