my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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