I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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