you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
