We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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