Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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