do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
