just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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