if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
