So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
