Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the day after is always just damage control
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
