So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
