dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
