all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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