Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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